CHEEZ LOUISE!

Last night's local news from Baltimore offered more than the usual local color. Aside from who shot whom, who ratted on whom, and the usual trite political diatribe was a filmclip from Italy.

The Italians, it seems, have begun mixing business with pleasure. Well, OK, maybe not BEGUN mixing business with pleasure, but become more adept and innovative.

Word has it that at least one bank in Italy has a new loan program. The farming population is taking advantage of the CHEESE LOAN.

Farmers bring their cheese crop or whatever is proper to call the new harvest of curds and whey the use for genuine Parmesan cheese, to the bank in exchange for whatever lira the cheese will be worth when it ripens. The bank then stores the cheese in the special vault they have created for just this purpose. The loan term is two years. This is exactly the amount of time it will take the incarcerated cheese to age and ripen enough to be sent for exportation or sale to the local population.

Not so fast, you say. What if the cheese develops a mold and the crop is ruined? How about if the temperature or humidity gets out of control?

The cheese could dehydrate and be rendered inedible.

How will bankers handle these crises? No need to worry. Modern science and technology has come to the rescue. It is all under the Italians savvy control,

Along with the new vault is new technology. There are machines designed to scan and monitor the cheese. Cheesemeisters monitor the monitors. The bankers merely monitor the Cheesemeisters. Computers and scanners keep the temperature and humidity cheese friendly so the wheels stay comfy in their surroundings. Others monitor the inner workings of the cheese for air bubbles and the enemy molds that can ruin the whole crop.

The farmers take the lira equal to the appraised value of the crop and begin to work on next years harvest. In this neighborhood the wheels of Parmesan keep things turning.

The program is reportedly so successful that the bank has plans in the works to expand the program to wines and other products that require aging for an extended period of time.

Soon, Italian bank customers will hear something new from the tellers. Instead of, "Deposit, Withdrawal or Loan?", customers will hear"Deposit, Withdrawal, Loan or Lunch?"

Imagine how this trend, if it continues, will aid Law Enforcement. Italian police, instead of pursuing bank robbers, will have to be adept at catching MICE.

Then, that is just MY observation